Are you a recovering perfectionist?

I love this phrase that I first heard from one of my clients. It beautifully captures the challenges from moving from perfectionism to being a bit more pragmatic. It highlights it is a journey, recognises the time it takes to develop new ways of thinking and doing things.

Recovering from perfectionism can be a challenging process. Here are some steps you can take to overcome perfectionism:

1.       Recognise and acknowledge your perfectionism: The first step is to acknowledge that you have a problem with perfectionism. Recognise the signs of perfectionism, such as setting unrealistic goals, having high expectations of yourself and others, and being overly critical of mistakes.

2.       Identify your ‘inner critic’ and your ‘inner coach’. We have both, one on each shoulder.  The inner critic reminds us each time we don’t do something perfectly, or someone gives a disapproving look.

3.       The inner coach helps challenge your perfectionistic thoughts: Whenever you find yourself thinking in a perfectionistic way, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself if they are realistic, fair, or helpful. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, "I have to do everything perfectly," try to reframe that thought to, "I will do my best and learn from my mistakes."  Learn to be honest and vulnerable (hard for a perfectionist) with those you’re closest to you, so that they can help you identify what you inner critic is saying, and how to listen more to your inner coach.

4.       Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding with yourself when you make mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up, try to show self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would give to a friend. Often, we are so much kinder to others, than ourselves.

5.       Set realistic goals: Set goals that are achievable and realistic. Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks to help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed.

6.       Learn to tolerate discomfort: Perfectionism can be a way of avoiding uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, fear, or shame. Practice sitting with these feelings and accepting them without judgment. This can help you develop a healthier relationship with discomfort and build resilience.  A client I worked with calls this ‘surfing’ the difficult feelings, learning to live with them, ride them until they ultimately subside (till the next time, and then we do the same again).

7.       Celebrate progress, not just perfection: Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and focus on what you have accomplished rather than what you have not yet achieved. Use others to help you with this too.

8.       Seek support: Consider seeking the support of a therapist, or coach who can help you work through your perfectionism and develop healthier habits and coping strategies.

Remember that recovering from perfectionism is a journey, not a destination. Be patient and kind with yourself as you work to overcome this challenging pattern of thinking and behaviour.

Kate Jennings enables leaders to fulfil their potential and overcome barriers to success.  Contact her to find out more.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-jennings-8bba049/

Could you do with some thinking space?

Is it a challenge finding time to think strategically?  Do you get bogged down in day-to-day tasks and lose sight of the bigger picture? Taking the time to think about long-term goals and priorities is essential for success. That's where working with a coach can be beneficial. A coach can serve as a "thinking partner" and provide the space and support needed to focus on your leadership. They’ll also help you find ways to create more thinking space in your week.

A good coach enables clients to navigate challenges and unlock their full potential.  When it comes to achieving professional and personal goals, having a great coach as your thinking partner can be a game-changer. A coach serves as a trusted partner who can help individuals gain clarity, identify obstacles, and take purposeful action towards achieving their desired outcomes.  

Here are some key ways in which a coach can be a great thinking partner:

1. Listening to what you say, and what you don’t say - A great coach does more listening than talking. By actively listening to their clients, coaches gain valuable insights that allow them to understand the client's perspective and to identify areas in which they can help. Active listening is a key skill for coaches; it allows them to build trust and rapport with, and fully understand, their clients.

2. Powerful Questions - A great coach asks powerful, thought-provoking questions that help their clients to explore their own thinking and find solutions to challenges. These questions can help to identify opportunities for growth, clarify goals, and overcome limiting beliefs or thought patterns.

3. Outside Perspective - A coach provides an outside perspective that can help clients to see things in a new light. A coach can help clients to identify blind spots or patterns of thinking that may be holding them back from achieving their goals.  Often a coach will ‘hold up a mirror’ to question what the client is saying, their opinions and ways of understanding their environment. This external perspective can be invaluable in finding new solutions and strategies.

4. Accountability - A coach holds clients accountable for their actions and decisions. This accountability can help clients to stay motivated and focused on their goals, even when faced with setbacks or obstacles.

5. Provide Feedback – A coach provides feedback in a non-judgmental and supportive manner. This allows clients to feel safe and confident in exploring new ideas or confronting challenges. How the coach experiences being with the client may be very different to how the client thinks they come across. Who’s right? Who’s to say?! Coaching can explore the difference between a clients’ intention, and their behaviour. When feedback is delivered in a supportive way, it opens up the possibility of growth and development. This can provide valuable insights into how the client comes across in their day-to-day world, leading to changes in behaviour

6. Challenge – a great coach will challenge their client / thinking partner. They’ll explore what’s getting in the way of the client doing what they say they want to or are going to do. Why is this? What are the reasons for this lack of action or ‘stuckness’. Sometimes this might be simple, other times it will be more complex; coaching can uncover the causes of this, and subsequently solutions.

7. Someone you can be really honest with – leadership, particularly for those at the very top, can be a lonely place. Having a confidential relationship with someone with whom you can be very honest, can be a vital part of thinking strategically, building resilience, generating ideas, solving problems  and enabling you to perform at the highest level.

A coach who serves as a thinking partner can be a valuable asset in achieving your goals, whatever they are. Using great listening skills, powerful questions, non-judgmental feedback, an outside perspective, and accountability, a coach can help clients to overcome challenges, unlock their full potential, and achieve their desired outcomes. Whether individuals are looking to improve their performance, overcome obstacles, or cultivate new skills, a coach can be an invaluable partner in achieving success.

Kate Jennings enables leaders to fulfil their potential and overcome barriers to success.  Contact her to find out more.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-jennings-8bba049/